Nov. 30, 2015, 2:59 a.m.
Gene and I met during our first weeks at Yale, in 1994. He lived two floors below me, in Entryway E in Silliman College. His parents are from Korea, and he grew up in Minnesota and Seattle--a very different life from Bristol, but we somehow talked almost immediately with ease and comfort and unknowingly began a lifelong friendship. During a stint abroad in Korea, he met Hyemin, an amazing woman whom he eventually married in 2005. They live in Seattle now and have two beautiful kids, Molly and Solomon. We have spent at least fifteen of the last twenty Thanksgivings togther, first at my parents' house in Bristol and now in Seattle or San Francisco.
I guess i would say that our friendship has survived because of perseverance and faith in each other. Friendships spanning more than twenty years encounter inevitable challenges, and this year's was pediatric cancer. Following one of Aila's hospitalizations, Gene and I had a conversation where I more or less said that I didn't know what we should do with regard to Thanksgiving this year. He later told me that he had little idea what to say in response to Aila's leukemia diagnosis, but in the moment we experienced probably one of our only awkward silences to date. I ended up sending him an email, referencing this article, saying that I really didn't have the energy to decide whether he and Hyemin should come for Thanksgiving this year. The truth was, as I've mentioned in many posts, we need all the help we can get. And we certainly need help from those who already love us. We just don't have the energy to organize or to identify exactly what that might be.
Gene, Hyemin, Molly, and Sol arrived last Monday night. They stayed in a hotel for the first two nights, but then they came and stayed with us. Aila had a good week. Her last chemo infusion was the previous Thursday, and she wasn't slated for one until this Tuesday. Zander was in seventh heaven spending time with Molly and Sol. And Brian and I felt safe, supported, and loved. This Thanksgiving, we were grateful for our friends. Our memory of Thanksgiving 2015 will be Aila's cancer, but it will also (and more importantly) be Zander running full speed after Molly, desperately trying to show Sol how far he could jump from one couch pillow to another, with a giant smile on his face. They may never understand what a gift this was for a family who has lived and breathed leukemia for almost four months.
They left early Saturday morning, and we all felt sad that day. Zander wasn't sure where his friends went, and the house was very quiet (well, as quiet as a house can be with three kids under 5). Zander ran away from us in Target tonight for about five minutes, rendering us terrified and angry beyond belief, and realizing that we probably need to seek some help in supporting him and managing his behavior. Aila has had a bad cold and gastrointestinal virus (thankfully without an accompanying fever) for more than a week, so we spent the weekend managing diarrhea and snot. She also has become oddly fixated on food items, both the ones that she eats and the ones that others eat. For example, she will often demand a cookie but then demand that her father not eat a cookie. She becomes irate and angry, screaming if she does not get her way. This happens every day, all day. We feel weary from it. I keep calling these nondescript side effects the "underbelly" of pediatric cancer. It's large, that underbelly, with a lot of pain and agony for a small 2-year-old named Aila along with her parents and brothers.
Happy Thanksgiving, sweet girl. We are beside you. Fight.
Mom
Comments
Shannon Huffaker 9 years ago
Hi Vicky --
Link | ReplyI've been keeping up on your blog and your family is always in my thoughts. I love seeing all the photos of your kiddos (and good to see Gene, too!). I'm in the Bay Area, and happy to help if there's anything you need. I know you have a lot of support and love around you, and I just wanted you to know you're reaching a lot of us with your blog and we're all pulling for your little girl!
Love, Shannon
New Comment