March 15, 2016, 3:06 a.m.
Dear Ais,
If you had known your mother in 2008, long before you were born, you would know that I felt pretty strongly that Hillary should have been the Democratic nominee way back then. I sometimes fantasized about what it would have been like to drop my day job and head out on the campaign trail in pursuit of her success. What's so interesting to me in 2016...is that I barely know who's running. I cannot focus on any events going on in the world other than you. Sometimes I catch onto a thing or two that your brothers are doing and notice when your father has a cold. But I do not know what happens outside of 326 Elwood or work. Cancer (not you!) takes everything.
Someday you will also know how much I have loved UCONN basketball. Mainly for the sentiment, which reminds me of our family room with 70's gold and glittery wallpaper and a much younger version of Mom and Uncle Andy cheering alongside Wampa and your beautiful grandmother Wendy for the underdogs. Yeehaww, I can hear my mother saying with a double pump of her fist into the air. Go UCONN! Wampa tells me that it was the grace of the heavens that granted UCONN access to March Madness in 2016. And by some rare serendipity, they are slated to play (an equally challenged) Colorado on Thursday morning this week. We met at CU, your father and I. In any other year, we'd be paying close attention.
I'll vote for Hillary and cheer for UCONN, but leukemia wins these days. Very little room for much else. But you are not responsible! Please don't ever for a minute think that. Cancer is just hideous. I get it now, the campaign after campaign after campaign against breast, pancreatic, prostate, and every other type of cancer in the book. And the true tragedy is that it's not the cancer persay much of the time, but the treatment that causes much of the suffering. And the terror that the cancer will and could return any minute.
Today, it looked like your hair had grown a bit. I felt happy but also confused and sad. I don't know if we're ready for it to grow back yet. Are you? Previously flaxen, I see a darker hue now, and your father concurred tonight when I brought you home. I have to say that one of THE most infuriating comments from the nurses and staff during our 28-day stay at LPCH was a repeated spontaneous admission that you'd likely lose your hair..."and wow, so many kids grow hair back that is TOTALLY different from their old hair." Really? Did anyone really think that any of us could handle hearing that in the first 28 days? Yes, yes, it appears now that they may have been correct. Congratulations, gold stars all around.
For the record, Ais, we don't care whether your hair grows back dark black and curly, with grey highlights. Or white and wavey. Or flaxen again. All any of it means is that you'll be an instant Hollywood starlet at Lil' Learners Preschool next year. We'll love you just the same.
Cry as loud as you need to (like you did most of the day today, in fact). In the moment, I feel like I'm going to literally lose my mind. But I get it, I do, so cry, cry cry. God knows, I would be crying too (wait, I often am!).
Love you, Hillary! HOO RAH UCONN!
And here's hoping that your new hair is a radiant and bedazzling indigo.
With everlasting love,
Mom
Comments
meghan 8 years, 8 months ago
Knowing about your and B's CO/Moab meeting has always made me love Andrew and my CO/Moab beginnings that much more. Go Hillary! Go UCONN! Go Sissy! Go Cosgroverstreets!
Link | ReplyAngela Tana 8 years, 8 months ago
Go Uconn! Go Aila! Go Bernie! Sorry had to do it! I'm OK with Hillary but Bernie is so spot on with our countries issues. He's the seed to a beautiful movement happening across this country. If Hillary (most likely) is the nominee I'm OK with that too. Bernie is making her a better politician which is great. As for hair....our daughter Lucia has terrible thin Trump style hair. A pixie cut is coming!
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