Feb. 28, 2016, 1:19 a.m.
Drs. Mignon Loh and Jean Lee woke Aila and me in our shared twin hospital bed on Tuesday morning, claiming "good news." Her neutrophils hadn't climbed, but they had decided to let us go home after thirteen days in the hospital. I was grateful for their decision, no doubt. But truly, her blood looked minimally different from seven or eight days ago, when the fever had first subsided. So I'm not sure why we were made to endure another week in the hospital.
We took her home on Tuesday, and around 10pm on Tuesday night, Declan vomited. Again and again and again. All I could think was, "are you kidding me?" He wasn't, and his vomit turned into pain and diarrhea as the week wore on. Zander somehow remained untouched. But my Dad immediately said, "we have a problem," when I arrived to pick Aila up from his house after work on Friday. She had been vomiting for about an hour, and she didn't stop after we took her home until about midnight. No fever, so we all slept. But when I awoke, Brian was vomiting into Aila's hospital bucket! He was as sick today as I've seen him in four years, when Zander gave us a projectile vomiting bug. So far, I feel okay. God help us if I get sick too, as someone needs to run around doing laundry and cleaning up after the sick people. Thank the universe for the help of Nishita and Kathryn today. And my father.
Friday was our 6-year wedding anniversary. We had planned with my brother and Meghan that they would watch the kids on Saturday night, while we enjoyed a movie or a dinner or something. But the best laid plans... I do cherish February 26th a bit more as each year passes. I suppose you would say that Brian and I eloped. We made an appointment in 2010 and drove to the courthouse in San Francisco, with Trinidad in the car. After, we went to dinner and stayed in a hotel, and drove to the East Bay for a long trail run the next day. It was perfect and easy, and I can honest to goodness say that neither of us has spent a minute questioning our decision since that day. We also always said that our choosing not to have a wedding then did not preclude our having one someday.
Maybe we'll celebrate next year? Maybe no one will be vomiting? I'm so used to seeing vomit now that when I awoke to Brian kneeling over a bucket, I barely looked twice. We'll get her blood drawn on Monday morning, and if she "makes counts" (750 ANC), then she'll begin the next chemotherapy go-around with an intrathecal (spinal) dose of methotrexate and an intravenous infusion of vincristine on Tuesday. Historically, she has not done well with this duo. A huge part of me wants her ANC to be sub-750, but then an equally huge part of me needs her to receive her chemotherapy. Also worth mentioning is that Brian and I are definitely on the fence about telling her doctors about her vomiting. We didn't call them as it was happening, for fear that they would tell us to go to the ER and hospitalize her again. And now, I'm reluctant to describe the course of her weekend symptoms, as it might delay her chemotherapy.
I really missed Brian today. Saturdays are often our days to have huge fights, but I think those fights are really just our souls jointly saying, "can we really endure any more?" Amidst Aila's cancer, I've realized that the answer is "yes, without a doubt."
We love you, Aila. I recently learned that George and Barbara Bush lost their daughter, Robin, age 3, to leukemia in 1953. I am not in any way a fan of George and Barbara Bush and don't agree with pretty much any of their politics. But...I feel connected to them in some super strange way because Aila has a chance to live in 2016 where Robin did not in 1953. Aila's treatment is still no good at all, for her or for her family. But she might live, and Robin was dead the minute she was diagnosed. I continue to feel that my mother would have been an exquisite guide for us during this tragedy, and I often to myself relect how much I can feel her within me...loving me, loving my children, and supporting us at every turn. Wrote my mother to her daughter (me) in July of 2010, about the miscarriage of Brian's and my first baby, which was a truly devastating loss, "My dearest daughter, my first child and one of the loves of my life...I am so sorry that there is no explanation for why it happens. I am filled with sorrow today and hope that you will both hold onto each other and get through this very sad time." The title of her email was, "I love you."
Comments
Angela Tana 8 years, 9 months ago
Vicky
Link | ReplyPerhaps if you feel the urge to fight you can save it for when (if) the stomach bug comes your way. Then you can projectile vomit over everyone and have the last word so to speak! I can completely understand not telling the doctor about her stomach bug. Those things usually pass in a couple of days so hopefully you won't need to.
XOXO
Angela Tana 8 years, 9 months ago
Hey Vicky I hope your daughter stays germ free. My daughter is getting over flu A, flu B, and RSV all at the same time! Low oxygen, wheezing etc. Paolo (my 5 year old) is working on inventing an invisible bubble for kids like himself! We will send it to Aila as soon as it's complete;-)
Link | ReplyAngela Tana 8 years, 9 months ago
Catching up after being away. Reminds me of the time Bob and I had Beka's 2 y/o twins with us for a couple of weeks while she and John were in Australia using frequent flyer miles. All four of us were sick at the same time. We'd never experienced that much sickness or dirty laundry before or since. Once Aila's well, you'll have to catch up on celebrating and if you do it in back east, I'm your sitter.
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