Aila
Yesterday, Aila Muriel and I made it through a very long day together. Brian and I packed a bag for her the night before, with diapers, clothes, toys, stuffed animals, and snacks for after her spinal tap. I warned her the night before that she wasn't going to be able to eat in the morning before her "walking doctor" or until after we got to UCSF. When we got up in the morning, she never even asked for food. We loaded everything into the 4runner and headed to San Mateo for her physical therapy. She walked like a champion, and Katie was impressed with Aila's new skill. Aila was very proud, and so was I.
This past weekend, Aila got on her feet and pranced with pride all over our house. She walked and walked, more than she has since early August when she was diagnosed. Each time she got on her feet, Zander said "Mama, look it!" with shock. And we all clapped and cheered. Baby felt a little jealous, I think, and decided to practice in earnest his newly minted skill of pulling himself up, tenatively standing, and then letting go. Look Ma, no hands! A similar prideful glee could be seen in his beautiful face...right until he (inevitably) fell onto his bottom.
Today was a date that is marked by two different things in my life. First, it's my father's birthday. This year he is is 69, and it's his first birthday on the planet without my mother. December 8th is also the day that my cousin Brian died in 1998, after the floor of his garage gave way. He was below, working on the underbelly of a car, and today marked the 17th year since he died. I will say that one of the things about living in a pediatric cancer bubble is that we have no room to decelerate as a result of nonessential emotions, anything that doesn't help us protect and cure and move forward. Nevertheless, I talked to my Dad, and I spent a lot of the afternoon thinking about Brian and the past, thanks in large part to an exquisite and beautiful testament to Brian (posted on Facebook) written by his brother and my cousin, Derek. Brian's is a great loss of my life.
3:00am: All cancer parents are finally asleep.
Today, Aila and I first went to the "walking doctor," which is her excellent physical therapist, Katie. This was our fifth week, and progress is slow. Aila very much wants to learn how to walk again, but she feels tentative and worried when now she puts any weight on her left foot. She likes her walking doctor, who plays many games with her. After we were done, we ate a tangerine together and then drove to San Francisco, picking Brian up at Pinterest before heading to UCSF. We got lunch in the cafeteria for Aila, and then Mom left for a quick 3-mile run around Mission Bay. Brian headed back to work upon my return, and Aila and I headed up to our clinic visit. We arrived at 1:30pm but didn't leave to drive home until after 6pm.